Just wanna be a woman

Bite me, scratch me
Break me down.
Invite me, court me
Swing me around.

Worship me
Because I am the spirit
I refuse to die,
Run with me I refuse to fall.

My life, my soul
Sorry haters I do feel proud.
Who are you tiny bloke
To judge me.
I judge myself,
Makes me proud of what I am.

Shoo! You critic
I couldn't care less
Like a star in a night sky
I'll burn bright.
You, lowly soul
Can cower at the sight.

My world, my reasons
Run away,
This place was never meant for you.

Just wanna be a woman.

Death Wish

The darkest days sometime start with a glorious morning,
I watched the sun rise from Ra's arm in Hamunaputra.
I was standing infront of a lake
The black water reflected the curled fangs of the sun in the murk,
With my finger I sent an angry ripple towards it,
And looked around me,
Locked up,
Lonely,
Solitary,
Hurt,
Murderous.
Numb,
Humiliated.

I felt like Jesus on the cross,
as faces floated around me
laughing at my hurt, my bleeding limbs
my weak limbs, my failing limbs.

My head hurt from last night's torture,
My stomach ached from hunger
And my shoulders drooped from overwork
My eyes were diamondlike from the cold and the wind.

If this weren't the end then I didn't know what was,
I have lost everything,
I had given half of it away long back in a bequest of the heart
And now half of it lies torn and tattered.

I am a dead man,
writing a dead song.

Recovery

I feel like I am trapped inside a bubble that's about to explode. Running with blind eyes, my body beaten and bloody away from a screaming, biting past that sends its deathly sentinels after me, memories. I close my eyes, the screaming noise in my head now flattens to an echo, I inject happiness in my veins. The momentary confusion between joy and misery is death, my substance, my lover, my curse.

It's 3 months now that I am clean. This last rehab sentence ( I call it a sentence because Kripa rehab, Kolkata is worse than a jail sentence) was the worst of the four. By now I can say that I am a dead man from inside, my hollow insides are writing; dry and knotty like dead wood. I have hit rock bottom. I just can't go on with my habit anymore, I know it, but I am scared nonetheless of relapse. The dark circles beneath my eyes are just compliments to my state of mind right now.

I feel like I am a circus clown riding a bicycle whose wheels have been put on fire and there are no brakes, so I'm cursed to ride around endlessly until I fall or unless someone holds me or stops me. This reminds me of the Creed song, "Hold me now, I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking..."

I'm such a whore, I think. My substance pulls my strings with 30 bucks and I let it bare. More than my body and mind, I think I am selling my soul to this substance.

My life is almost over now. Just holding on to one last hope. If God is there and I believe he is, then he won't let go of my hand now.

My recovery, has begun.

Men we think we are...

Under pressure we stood: united; but the front we put up-?~
We were separated,?
What else man, Hair Peace?
What next?
Are we moving forward or rollercoastering backward,
Like walking in the moon,
Waving a flag, with the wind blowing in the opposite direction.
So the wind is actually against the change.
The question tonight ladies and gentlemen is,;
Are we with the wind?
Or are we fools on the top of a hill,?
Knowing we will be blown down into jagged rocks soon…<-X->
And what shall become of us, shall never be known down generations.<\m/>

If forever was today

Maple leaf, it fell in the breeze
Twirling and dancing as someone blew
Gusts of wind, and in each vein was encoded
the blood of my love.
Maple leaf I send to thee
From my hold, this cold dark cell
Damp and musty I crave for light,
I close my eyes and the face was yours.

I count days on the rings of my finger,
Time grows longer than my hand
Till, like the rolling dewdrop,
it falls off and I am lost in oblivion.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all?
"Your skin is ageing, and hair is less
What stand have you lover to stand
upon thy knees and hold that bleeding
rose, that once was your heart
and now it's black and morose."

Still I send this birthday gift
Wish it were everyday,
I hold the smallest grain of sand
In my hand, and wonder if forever was today.
And ours was a gypsy song,
sang in the desert wind,
lovelocked lips and crossed hips
lyre sings the ballad.

I wish I could send more than but a birthday song,
For it's been so long, so very very long
And the interlude demanded more than just this gift,
But fate had it another way
And if so be it, then let it be
Tomorrow will bring opportunity
For bleeding hearts to come together,
I'll see you another day, tomorrow.

If forever was today

Maple leaf, it fell in the breeze
Twirling and dancing as someone blew
Gusts of wind, and in each vein was encoded
the blood of my love.
Maple leaf I send to thee
From my hold, this cold dark cell
Damp and musty I crave for light,
I close my eyes and the face was yours.

I count days on the rings of my finger,
Time grows longer than my hand
Till, like the rolling dewdrop,
it falls off and I am lost in oblivion.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all?
"Your skin is ageing, and hair is less
What stand have you lover to stand
upon thy knees and hold that bleeding
rose, that once was your heart
and now it's black and morose."

Still I send this birthday gift
Wish it were everyday,
I hold the smallest grain of sand
In my hand, and wonder if forever was today.
And ours was a gypsy song,
sang in the desert wind,
lovelocked lips and crossed hips
lyre sings the ballad.

I wish I could send more than but a birthday song,
For it's been so long, so very very long
And the interlude demanded more than just this gift,
But fate had it another way
And if so be it, then let it be
Tomorrow will bring opportunityts to come together,
I'll see you another day, tomorrow.

For bleeding hear

Devil woman

Persian slippers and harlem pants
Short black hair, strands on her face
The best things in life come in small packages
Her devilish walk,
Square black heels
Fire on the ground
No girly frills.

Square bloody mouth
In your face
Pick up your shit, bitch
And run away.

No love songs, no postcards for her
They'll burn in her cigarette lighter
Ask her out, she smokes in your face
Fuck off, basket case.

She's so cool, Parvati black
H20 and vodka attack.
Sex on fire, silk lingerie
Money for nothing, your chicks for free.

When she plays the microphone,
Headbanger's ball, Killing tone.
Yet she set the city free
Pornography on child's candy.

She's so fly and when she gets so high
Stony eyes and freedom fries.
Speeding down the highway at 120 miles
Wrong direction, Devil's child.

And everybody knows when she set the church on fire
Burning up passion and desire.
Tonight she's got the fire
Metal guitars and amplifiers
Together we'll rock under the crescent moon
End of days, the nemesis' tune.